It has come to our attention that you are turning fifty. Happy Birthday!
We at the Institute of Managing Standards of Beauty
have recently decided that anyone over forty
must now look twenty-five.
We understand the implications of our decision, but we trust
media’s opinion that no one likes to look at old people,
and who wants to be reminded that death waits for us!
This is a service we provide at a great price.
By standardizing what beauty should be: deciding on size and color and age,
everyone will know how to behave.
Eliminating worry over acceptance or self-esteem.
We now also recommend that anyone over thirty
should look seventeen.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
By the way, we are having a sale!
Free shipping with each order.
Have a nice day.